


I try to remember

by thesongofdarkness



Series: Sam is not okay [7]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Amnesia, Before season 1, Dean Winchester - Freeform, John Winchester - Freeform, POV Sam Winchester, forgetting things, take place before season 1, teenager sam, thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-21
Updated: 2014-11-21
Packaged: 2018-02-26 13:06:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2653064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesongofdarkness/pseuds/thesongofdarkness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam is starting to forget things..</p>
            </blockquote>





	I try to remember

I try to remember.  
I try to forget.  
But everything is carved into my mind and everything is disappearing.  
My memories are slipping thru my fingers and I fear that one day nothing will be left, that I will just be a stranger in my own mind and body.  
And the whole faking other peoples identity and pretending that you are them is not exactly helping  
The most scary thing is that sometimes when I wake up I am not even sure who I am or why I am here.  
Sometime my whole mind is blank and I go thru the whole day trying to find out who I am.  
But I still keep pretending, I keep telling lies.  
I plaster a fake smile on my face as I lie thru my teeth.  
I have a different name nearly every week. A different personality, a different person. I am never just me, i am always pretending that I am somebody else.  
And when I try to remember my mind go blank and I just end up crying.  
Sometimes I have a good day and remember things as clearly as they had happend today but there are more of the bad days than there are of the good..  
I keep waiting for someone to notice that something is wrong, but no one really do, I think I am to good at pretending.  
I am to good at pretending that I am okay, to good at faking it even with tears running down my cheeks.  
And everyday I forget more and more and I go thru the days smiling while I try to keep my panic down.  
I thought about writing a list, but it is to insecure, everyone could have found it, and I'd just forget where I lay it anyway..  
I keep up my mask even with Dean, who luckily is to busy trying to save the world to notice that something is wrong,  
and dad he is always hunting so there is not really an opportunity to try to get his help.  
What is worrying me the most is that I am forgetting the happy stuff, the good memories while the heartbreaking things that I'd rather forget is as clear as they happend today.  
I tried to forget the bad stuff once but I just ended up With a headacch and even fewer memories..  
I think that I am losing my mind or that I already have lost it..  
I can't seem to remember which day it is anymore and I have started writing on my hands to try to remember, my hands are nearly blue from ink and full of words that I hope will make me remember, but the truth is, they never do..they only make me get some weird glances from my other classmates.  
The worst thing is that I can feel myself forgetting, I can feel the memories disappearing into thin air..  
I want to tell someone but I can't, I want to tell him so badly it hurts but I can't.  
I want him to hold me and tell me that everything will be okay..but I doesn't know how mcuh longer I will remeber his name..and to be honest I don't think that things will ever be okay.


End file.
